Since at a young age I knew that I felt different than everyone else around me but, not until now is that I understand what my true purpose in life is.
Long story short on one post…..
At the age of 12, in middle school, was the first time a social worker had told me that I had such a thing called depression. I didn’t think anything of it, I just thought I was an introvert. Someone who liked her own space and didn’t like to share my feelings nor one to cry infront of people. But, I did notice that sometimes I cried for no reason and felt alone even with having family and friends around me.
One day I cried so much, and I remember it was winter time, I was in my room infront of a Jesus Christ cross on my wall asking him desperately why am I here? What’s my purpose? Guide me and give me the strength to do what you need me to do in this crazy world. Little did I know that, that’s what he was already doing for me.
At the age of 15, I was in high school and I had a boyfriend which was a few years older than me. My parents were always over protective of me so they’d only let me see him outside of their home where they could see me. But, one day I got permission to go to a mall with him. That day, for me, was one of the most traumatizing moments of my life. I was sexually assaulted in the back of his truck. He had tricked me into sitting in the back just to talk to me like we would at my parents home but on a bench. I know! How foolish of me to be so naive. That relationship obviously ended.
After that event, not only did my depression worsen, I began to develop a bad habit of binge eating, vomiting, and cutting my wrists. Something that I’m not proud of but, I did it to feel some sort of relief since I never admitted to anyone about me doing it.
I’ve had social workers in both middle school and high school. My high school social worker one time finally got to the root of my problem after meeting with me regularly and decided to confront my parents about it. I was then, sent to a hospital for rehab.
These bad habits had diminished for a while but, not until I had gotten married right after graduating high school at the age of 18. My ex husband was nine years older than me. It wasn’t the best decision I had made but, I don’t regret it because of the experience and lessons that were gained. I was disappointed of marriage after him. I felt unappreciated, disrespected, and humiliated by his actions.
High light of this marriage was when one day i tried committing suicide by downing a whole bottle of pills because of a horrible argument with my ex husband. My parents caught it on time where I was rushed to the hospital and got myself into rehab again. And so it goes on….
After all of these events, I then, began to see life a bit different. I decided that I would only worry about myself and so I began to exercise and eat healthier. I went back to school. I had already had my cosmetology license at this point but I wanted more so, I accomplished another one of my goals to be certified as a medical aesthetitionist. I then, split up with my husband and more good things beggan to happen. I became self employed!
I don’t share my story for you to feel sorry for me nor to impress you but, to impress upon you. Anything in life is possible if you put your heat into it and have faith. Trust God’s journey!
I’m not yet where I want to be but, I’m grateful for what I am becoming. I’ve always said I wanted to help people and so for my experiences I am very blessed to have come this far. Being independent is beautiful!
I’ve been told that I’m too nice or too sensitive but the truth is, I know what it is to feel hopeless and alone, so I chose to make people feel happy and to help out in any way that I can. I believe that what I’ve gone through, which maybe for others it’s not as tough as they have had it, but if I have the ability to guide someone and have them feel hope of overcoming anything that they struggle with and for that, I am blessed.